Thursday, May 5, 2011

Our story from last Wednesday night...


Last Wednesday night, I'd made a nice ginger stir fry for our family, and had a great pot of chicken stock on simmer. We were feeling lazy after a long day. The sky went green, and a few friends called to ask whether we knew we were under a tornado warning (we live in SE TN, right smack dab in the middle of Cleveland/Ooltewah/Ringgold/Collegedale; the areas hit most hard by the storms)...and we made our way to our meager little laundry room in the middle of the house, all padded out by pillows.

The girls hung out in there while Nate and I stared at the clouds on the front porch, swirling and brooding, with the trees lashing and dancing back and forth all around our property. We started hearing a dull roar, and went inside. Soon, after, our windows, doors and what felt like even the walls started rattling. We heard what sounded like pounding hail, and we ducked inside the laundry room with the girls, and then the lights went out. (Our power stayed off for the next few days)

Eventually, we made out way out, grabbed a camping latern, and lit a few candles, and I followed Nate outside, Eva on hip. Trees were down everywhere. We took a flashlight outside, and realized that our backyard was littered with several different hunks of people's roofs.

The next morning, we wandered out to find several different colors of insulation scattered ALL over the yard, books, socks, paycheck receipts, splintered furniture wood, foam insulation, wrapping paper, papers, garbage can lids, tin roofs, siding, trash, a hunk of a RC cola vending machine cover, and all sorts of lumber splinters. It was hearbreaking; we felt as if we had inherited tragedy and heartbreak in splinters-remnants of the lives of others from God knows where-all over our yard.

An F4 tornado ripped by our home, devastating our city and those around us, and our area was declared an official disaster zone, and rightly so. I've never seen anything quite like it.

Blue springs road, this is QUITE close to our home. (I could post a map, but for privacy reasons, I'll refrain.)

A drive to work and the grocery told us that homes all around us had been completely obliterated. Driving our usual back way home that afternoon told the tale of a very close call for us (literally just hundreds of feet away from having our home in splinters) and complete tragedy for our next-street neighbors. Not only were there homes with portions sheered off, but there were foundations with debris scattered across open fields (the only remnants of what once were large houses).

A week later, as people are putting together stories and lives, I learned that a couple who uses our midwife and lives literally minutes from our home lost their sister, home and new little baby. Eight people died next to the park that we love, and the entire area looks like a war zone. Children's clothes are scattered in tree tops, animals are roaming free without homes and owners and grief is literally hanging in the air, waiting to punch you in the gut whenever you pass by.

The thing that's struck me as heartbreakingly beautiful is the outpouring of love from neighbors, and the resilience of LIFE. On the way out to pick up some laundry to do for a family who lost their home, where homes and trees and power lines are lying helter-skelter across beautiful pastures, a mama Candian goose crossed the road with her fuzzy little goslings in tow-right by a hunk of roof and tangled power lines. She looked at me as if to say, "Carry on! There are babies to care for and things to do!"

One of my clients gave birth to a perfect, healthy, pink little baby last night (not too long after power was restored!). Clothes that were once covered in splinters and dry wall dust are now in order again, ready to be worn! Retired old farmers in overalls, smelling of Old Spice and tobacco, are chainsawing fallen trees, giving smiles and salvaging possessions, and soccer moms with bright pink lipstick are handing out food and hugs. College students are donating peanut butter and hauling boxes for victims in their tiny little Toyotas. Love pulls us together. Life is a powerful force, and love is a powerful thing to be reckoned with. Love prevails.

This is my heartland. This is my home. If you think of us, send us your love and prayers...never underestimate the power of positive support and concern.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Aftermath...

I promise to get back to our usual happenings and thoughts soon, but I'd feel a little glib to not acknowledge the pain that our community is in, in some small way...

...So I thought

Friday, April 29, 2011

Twisters in our neck of the woods...


I've been MIA this past week, due to a night of doula work and the twisters that ripped through SE TN! (the doula work being obviously more fun than the tornadoes! It roared over our house on Wednesday night and shook our windows and doors, littering our lawn with pieces of other people's homes and possessions. :( The neighborhood behind us was pretty much obliterated, and we've lost power/water for the time being, so the girls and I are staying at my parent's home.

Just wanted to say that we're OK, and to encourage everyone to pray and send aid to the families that were effected by the twisters. :O)




Monday, April 25, 2011

What am I hoping to teach (and what are they learning)?

If you're a parent, you've probably had at least one moment where you stop yourself mid-action in dealing with a child in an irrational age/stage and asked yourself, "WHAT, in the name of cinnamon apple pie am I DOING?!" If you're not that parent, I congratulate you. If you are, you're in decent company. :grin:

After much mulling to discover a common thread for moments like those (in effort to avoid them in the future!), I've discovered this truth: When my parenting becomes trying to control my child's actions/behavior rather than teach them and equip them for successful adulthood, I become a giant horse's behind. In a nutshell. :OP

Whether or not you agree with Kohlberg's Moral Stages, we can all generally agree that a higher level of thinking, emotional life and spirituality are reached when a person stops doing something out of fear of punishment (relying on authority for moral compass), and starts to value the right thing because it is right/avoid the wrong thing because of the actual damage it causes.

I've found my experience with children to be no exception. For some children, knowing that their parents/teachers will be disappointed with them is enough to discourage them from disobeying. For others, the fear of punishment is enough to discourage them from out of bounds behavior keeps them "in line". And, as always, there's always the spunky segment of the populous that weighs the cost/benefits of what they want vs. punishment received and goes for the forbidden fruit anyway, because it's totally worth it to them. Some children simply lack the impulse control to do any of the above.

As I think the above paragraph over, I ask myself: But is that the point and goal of my parenting? Compliance and rule following? There's the theory that eventually a child will begin to do the right things for the right reasons once adulthood is reached, but I've observed too many adults STILL doing the right thing for approval/safety (or doing the wrong thing because they never learned why they shouldn't) to believe that this is an practical approach.

Which brought me to this-What am I trying to TEACH my child when I allow them to experience the consequences of their actions? And what are they really learning from what's coming out of my mouth?

For instance...if they slap their sister, and I respond by smacking her on the leg, what am I actually teaching? Certainly not that the bodies of others are sacred and to be treated with respect (um...hello! :P) Certainly not honoring physical boundaries. Definitely that it's OK for the person in authority gets to smack, and that if you're small, you don't have that right (age/might makes right). Perhaps that if you you hurt others, you'll experience pain.

What if I want to actually TEACH gentleness and kindness?

So, then, my goal becomes teaching skills and values, rather than simply teaching my children to associate with "bad" behavior and avoid it at all costs. But HOW?

If my very small daughter gets very angry and tries to throw her glass of water on the floor, what's the actual issue at hand? Is it my frustration? The mess on the floor? What skill does she actually lack that makes it impossible for her to have another reaction?

My mistake when this first happened 5.5 years ago or so was to assume that the thing I had to teach her was respect for mommy's floor. :OP Making MY goal as her parent to teach her how "not to throw things on the floor". (I laugh at the hilarity of it now! :giggle Keep in mind that I was parenting a toddler, meaning she had zero coping/behavioral modification skills whatsoever.) I'd look very cross (at this point, having committed myself to not training a la fear of spanking). I'd do my best to intimidate her, shame her, illicit guilt; all of which had exactly the same result: a very frustrated Esther and mommy.

Finally, I realized I was not seeing the bigger issue. Esther was frustrated and had no appropriate way of expressing it. She was angry, anger is an acceptable emotion, and she had no idea how to express it in a way that was appropriate to the situation. She had little concept of the effect of her outburst on others.

Essie needed skills. She needed to see me model compassion to others before she could learn it herself. She needed to know that I could handle her big feelings without flying off the handle myself. She needed to be walked through ways to cope with her own frustration. She needed comfort to help her release the adrenalin that had built up in her little body.




Thursday, April 7, 2011

A spring Haiku. Because I have Spring Fever. :P

The year's first sunburn
Dirt beneath my fingernails
Garden clogs are here

No time for anything more than that today! I'm all twitterpated. ::grin::



Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Imagine my surprise...



When Nate and I went to make dinner, and found this! ;oP It seems we have a trickster in our midst. Ah, well. A little strawberry never hurt anyone...though I'd be intrigued to see the chicken who laid them!! The ever elusive Strawberraucana? Plymouth Barred Berry, perhaps? We never did find the eggs.


In other news, we were planting fools today, and got peas, kale, chard, mint and lavendar planted today, along with various flowers. I saw a honey bee. It was so springy, I practically floated around the yard with joy. More tomorrow, and I hope the weather there is making you just as happy as I'm feeling now!